Welcome back to The Marriage Mindset by Renew Mindset Coaching, where we unravel the complexities of love, resilience, and growth. In our exploration today, we confront a question that echoes through generations: If my parents are divorced, does this doom my marriage? Drawing inspiration from a Psychology Today article, let's delve into the profound impact parental divorce can have on the marital journey of Adult Children of Divorce (ACoD).

1. The Alarming Statistics: Research paints a stark picture – children of divorce face increased odds of experiencing divorce themselves. According to a study by Amato and Deboer, if a woman’s parents divorced, her likelihood of divorce rises by 69%. Shockingly, if both spouses hail from divorced families, the risk skyrockets by 189% (Amato & Deboer, 2001). These statistics might seem disheartening, but understanding the underlying mechanisms is the first step toward breaking this cycle.

2. Transmission of Relationship Skills: One theory suggests that children of divorce lack exposure to healthy relationship skills modeled by their parents. While witnessing parental discord doesn't necessarily predict divorce, the absence of healthy relationship skills increases the likelihood. Failing to instill these skills can lead to more arguments in their own marriages, amplifying the risk of divorce. Even so, this does not fully account for the increased likelihood of divorce. The parent’s divorce itself, not the fighting, is a contributing factor.

3. Confidence and Commitment: Theory two delves into confidence and commitment. Children who witness their parents' divorce may harbor reduced commitment to marriage and lower confidence in its long-term success. Engaged women from divorced families, in particular, reported lower relationship commitment and confidence in their upcoming marriages (Whitton et al., 2008). This lack of confidence, especially among women, can contribute to higher divorce rates.

4. Responding to Fear: Children of divorce often respond to their fear of divorce in distinct ways – some rush into unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response, while others adopt a mindset of anticipating relationship failure. However, awareness and choices empower ACoD to break free from these patterns.

5. Changing the Narrative: Therapeutic interventions offer ACoD the opportunity to come to terms with their upbringing. They can unravel the impact of parental divorce on their perceptions of relationships and forge new models for lasting marriages. Couples can develop their own set of relationship skills, addressing underlying anxieties and garnering support from each other. In essence, they can change the story.

The statistics may paint a challenging picture, but awareness and proactive choices empower ACoD couples to defy the odds. At Renew Mindset Coaching, we celebrate those who confront the shadows of parental divorce, fostering resilience and creating new narratives of enduring love.

Follow for more insights into building resilient marriages and overcoming unique challenges. Until next time, renew your commitment to growth, renew your connection, and renew your love.

References:

• Epstein, Sarah. “If My Parents Are Divorced, Is My Marriage Doomed to Fail? The impact of parental divorce, and what you and your partner can do about it.” Psychology Today, 5 Feb. 2019, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-generations/201902/if-my-parents-are-divorced-is-my-marriage-doomed-fail.

• Amato, P. R., & Deboer, D. D. (2001). The Transmission of Marital Instability Across Generations: Relationship Skills or Commitment to Marriage? Journal of Marriage and Family, 63(4), 1038-1051. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.01038.x

• Whitton, S. W., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2008). Effects of parental divorce on marital commitment and confidence. Journal of Family Psychology, 22(5), 789-793. doi:10.1037/a0012800